When It's Time To Let Go

I was reading through one of my journals and came across this entry. My thoughts were reactions to the following article by Peter John Granger:

Sadness and How To Overcome It

In general, I don't really like talking about myself directly (at least, not at this time in my life). I find it kind of embarassing. Yet, I hope that the following can help someone in some way. (As a note, any name(s) have been changed and thoughts from the article have been indented.)

When we become very sad and just can't throw it off, it means we are a holding on to a person or situation. Whatever has happened does not fit our script for happiness and we refuse to let go. In the case of a failed relationship the sadness allows us to dwell on the other person and generally feel sorry for ourselves. Subconsciously we also send out a message to our ex partner that we are not happy and that they made a mistake. We might try to bring them back with our sadness - in other words make them guilty. The sadness has become a sophisticated form of communication. I remember after my wife left me and my marriage ended that I was deeply sad for many months. I also remember wishing I could become ill and get hospitalised so that she would feel sorry for me and come and visit me. What I was really looking for was for her to love me because I was struggling to love myself - it was showing my dependence on her for my happiness.

Hmmm…ok. How does this apply to me and Henry? Was I dependent on him for my happiness? Lord, help. I know that You know the immediate answer. Will you reveal it to me? The best conclusion I can find is that I saw him as love. Which doesn’t make that much sense to me…Or maybe it wasn’t so much that I saw him as love but the thoughts I had towards him as love. Or, maybe it was the thought of those thoughts being reciprocated? I don’t know why, but I’m still caught up in what once was (i.e. the person who I first met). No, I’m still caught up in my ideal. Lord, pls break this chain.

What’s worse, although I’ve said to myself that I do not want him as a friend now, I keep trying to repair that which is damaged. Maybe it’s the guilt that I caused the damage? Lord, what do you really want of this relationship? You told me to let go, and I did, but in the same vain it seems as if you’re trying to tell me to forgive and forget. I’m not talking about a “forgive and forget” where u forgive a person and then move on with life, but a type where you forgive a person and continue with the friendship. What was it that Alice said that day? Something along the lines of when God wants You to hear from him, and a relationship has been severed, u can try and put it back together again but it won’t be the same.

The saddest part of all this is that I don’t want to go back to being the person that I was, and if I really took the time to think about it, nor do I want him to go back either. He’s really growing in You, and it’s nice to see. Thank You God. That’s part of it. I miss the affection. Lord, help me to learn how to love me instead of looking to others to do so. I can be so pathetic. With that statement alone, I guess I’ve never learned to love myself. Too many faults. Made too many mistakes. Hurt too many times trying to “help”. You may have taught me how to forgive myself but it appears I have yet to learn how to love myself. How cud anyone love imperfection? Change that. How could anyone love my imperfections? Supposedly I can “love” others and their imperfections, but I don’t expect the same for me. What a lonely life to lead. Y? B/c then u only know how to give but u’r not able to receive. When u can’t receive, the love u have given, the love that has been depleted from you, cannot/will not be restored. Eventually your love will dry up, and then u r left with dryness. Dryness brings bitterness, resentment, anger, frustration, confusion, faultfinding, pride, and the list goes on. Oh Lord, have mercy.

Sometimes we use the loss of a person or relationship to avoid taking the next step in our lives. We make an altar to the person and then bleed all over it (making sure that they are watching)! If you are facing unrelenting sadness, ask yourself what is it that these negative feelings stop you from doing? Whatever answer comes to you start making plans to do just that - it might be a new relationship or perhaps a new job or interest. Use sadness and loss as learning opportunities from which you can develop and grow as person. If you have a spiritual or religious belief you can use that faith to connect with the person who is no longer in your life and to accept what has happened.

Thank You, Lord. Once again, when I initially read this article I thot, “Wat am I avoiding? I don’t think I’m avoiding anything, and I’m not sure I want to take the time to find out that I’m not avoiding anything.” Yet, I am avoiding something. I’m avoiding moving forward. By keeping my thots focused on wat once was or trying to get an apology or hoping to have a talk session or trying to repair that which is damaged, I’m staying in the past.


12 I do not claim that I have already succeeded or have already become perfect. I keep striving to win the prize for which Christ Jesus has already won me to himself.
13 Of course, my friends, I really do not think that I have already won it; the one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead.
14 So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize, which is God's call through Christ Jesus to the life above. (Phillipians 3:12-14 GNB)

When Waiting Gets Tough

I read this devotional today, and I found it encouraging. There are times in life when we have to wait, but then we get tired or become weary of it. I guess the question becomes, "Are we willing to settle for less than what we're expecting or are we able to wait?"

Worthy Promises


Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 KJV)

Where Does Your Gratefulness Stand?

The following is Dan Miller's welcome to the December 1st issue of the 48 Days newsletter:

We are now in the “holiday” season. While most of us experience heightened joy and happiness, there are also many who experience heightened despair and hopelessness as we look back on one year and get ready to begin a new one. The irony is that none of those feelings are dependent on our circumstances. Those with nothing are frequently the most joyful and those with seemingly everything are often the most unhappy and discouraged.

Thus it appears our sense of well-being is a choice – not something pushed down on us by our circumstances. Gratefulness is a direct way to unlock our own peace and joy.

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beattie

Periods of change can reveal how grateful we are or are not. I know that I've been guilty of ungratefulness, but my eyes are opening to the things I have to be grateful for.

Where does your gratefulness stand?


be thankful in all circumstances. This is what God wants from you in your life in union with Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:18 GNB)

What If You Rewrote Your Life's Story?

The following is an article by Dr. David Hawkins. In it he gives advice on how to change the thinking patterns that are holding us back from fullfilling our dreams or changing into the person we desire to be.

The Power of Rewriting Your Story


"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he..." (Proverbs 23:7a KJV)

Could You Be An Ugly Duckling?

This entry is inspired from a sermon preached by Minister Kimberly Nelson. In the sermon she related the story of the ugly duckling. I did not know that the ugly duckling went through so much before becoming a swan. (If you would like to read an account of this story, click here.)

First of all, the ugly duckling was picked on by its family members and those that should have been protecdting it. The taunts, jeers, and rejection was so bad until the duckling ran way. There were moments in which the duckling's life was in peril. Let's not forget the time the old woman's hen told the duckling it was crazy for wanting to swim in the water. What a preposterous idea!

Finally, after harsh winters and an incredible amount of verbal or physical abuse from others, the ugly duckling encountered three swans. The following is what happened during that encounter:

“I will fly to those royal birds,” he exclaimed, “and they will kill me, because I am so ugly, and dare to approach them; but it does not matter: better be killed by them than pecked by the ducks, beaten by the hens, pushed about by the maiden who feeds the poultry, or starved with hunger in the winter.”

Then he flew to the water, and swam towards the beautiful swans. The moment they espied the stranger, they rushed to meet him with outstretched wings.

“Kill me,” said the poor bird; and he bent his head down to the surface of the water, and awaited death.

But what did he see in the clear stream below? His own image; no longer a dark, gray bird, ugly and disagreeable to look at, but a graceful and beautiful swan. To be born in a duck’s nest, in a farmyard, is of no consequence to a bird, if it is hatched from a swan’s egg. He now felt glad at having suffered sorrow and trouble, because it enabled him to enjoy so much better all the pleasure and happiness around him; for the great swans swam round the new-comer, and stroked his neck with their beaks, as a welcome.

Although "The Ugly Duckling" is just a fable, can you relate your life to that of its main character? If so, my question for you becomes,

"Could you be an ugly duckling?"


"My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything." (James 1:2-4 .NET Bible)

How Are You Spending Your Time?

The following is from Dan Miller's 48 Days Newsletter. What are you doing to build up your hours?

The 10,000-Hour Rule

The second chapter in the new book Outliers is titled The 10,000-Hour Rule. Author Malcolm Gladwell shares his research that shows few people get to the top of their game without putting in at least 10,000 hours of preparation.

”The closer psychologists look at the careers of the gifted, the smaller the role innate talent seems to play and the bigger the role preparation seems to play.”

Whether it’s Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, the Beatles, Yo Yo Ma, Mozart, or Warren Buffet, it appears no one gets to the top without putting in their 10,000 hours. If you put in 40 hours a week, that’s 5 years. If you only find 20 hours a week to work on your area of excellence it will take 10 years. If you’re just squeaking out 5 hours a week – it’s going to take 40 years. Talent will only take you so far; it’s the hours of work that will separate you from the pack.

The problem is that we have become an “instant” society. We have been spoiled with email, cell phones and microwaves – and become impatient with the nanosecond required to load a new web page. College graduates expect the $100,000 job and the $500,000 house instantly. Talented musicians and athletes expect fame and fortune long before investing 10,000 hours in practice. Writers give up after writing their great novel in a weekend and after a month of searching for a publisher. Christians are often confident their idea came from God, thus assuming success will be easy and instantaneous.

So where have you put in your 10,000 hours? If you are in a job that you hate, have you been investing hours in an area of excellence that will give you a new opportunity? Or do you just waste the hours away from work, hoping for something more fulfilling to appear? If you are a writer, a musician, a landscape designer, a web designer or a husband, have you put in your 10,000 hours of concentrated preparation to be great in that area?

I trust this is an encouraging bit of information. You don’t have to regret having average talent, or not having the highest IQ, or being born into the wrong family. Just find your area of excellence and put in 10,000 hours of preparation. You’ll bypass those with more “advantages” and find success that others only dream of.


If you would like to read the remainder of the newsletter, please click here.


"Go to the ant...consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest." (Proverbs 6:6-8 KJV)

In Life, How Would You Like Your Cake?

So, the beginning of your time of change was exciting. The thoughts of what could be brought a glitter to your eyes and a spring to your step. Such thoughts filled you with both anticipation and dread. The outlook for your new future was promising.

Then the waiting period came. Who knew that waiting would take THIS long? What happened to the growth--in your spiritual walk, in how you perceive things, etc.--that you were experiencing previously? Why does everything seem to be at a standstill? Is it a possiblity that your choice to experience a time of change was a bad one? Has it all been a mistake?

You could look at it that way or you could take a different look. Ask yourself this question: Does everything in life come quickly or instantly? Let's focus on a cake. In order to experience a cake's fluffiness, decadence, or what have you, it has to be prepared properly. Too much or not enough of an ingredient can change the cake's texture or taste. On top of that, a cake must be baked for the proper amount of time at the right temperature. If it is taken out too early, the results are typically disappointing.

In your time of change the same principles hold for us. After we have been prepared for the baking process, now we must wait to bake. Either we can wait patiently while we're baking or we can try to come out of the oven early.

We have come this far. Why should we settle for less than the best cake we can create for our lives?

I am hoping for you much encouragement during this waiting stage.

Clarissa


"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time..." (Ecclesiastes 3:11a KJV)