Learn to Let Go of Your Fears

I first heard the following story through my pastor. Today I'm taking it from Dan Miller's 48 Days to the Work You Love.

"...let me tell you how they catch monkeys in Africa. The natives take a coconut and at one end cut a hole just large enough for a monkey's hand to enter. The other end of the coconut is attached to a long rope. They then carve out the inside of the coconut and put a few peanuts inside. They place the coconut in a clearing and hide in the trees with the end of the rope. The monkeys come around, smell the peanuts, and reach inside to grab a fistful. But now, with a fistful, their hand is too large to retract through the small hole. Then the natives yank on the cord and haul that silly monkey to captivity because the monkey will not let go of those few lousy peanuts that he thought he wanted."

How does this story relate to fear? By not letting go of our fears we are like the monkey not letting go of the peanuts. We could be free, but instead we allow ourselves to be captured over a few peanuts. The peanuts are representative of our fears.

What are your fears? Are they "what if" questions that you cannot answer, fear of the loss of social status, fear of the loss of loved ones or friends,...? These fears are a hindrance, and they will cause your life to become stagnant. According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, definitions for the word stagnant are: 1) stale and 2) not advancing or developing. So, while life may be predictable as you hold onto these fears, the stagnation that is occurring in your life is slowly causing your soul to die. Your personality, your joy for life, is slowly fading...

In other words, like the monkey, because you will not let go, you are stuck. The irony of being stuck is that the hope you have of becoming a better you or of living a better life stands before you. Yet, this hope/wish/desire cannot become a reality until you let go of your fears. Paraphrasing what someone told me, "If your hand is closed, you are holding onto something. Yet, at the same time, you can't receive anything." Learn to let go of your fears.


Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. (Proverbs 13:12 KJV)

Change Isn't For the Weak

You are mentally and emotionally stronger than you think. Change isn't for the weak at heart. Interestingly, it takes more heart to change than it does to continue life as is.

I'm not denying that it's hard to change. Nor am I suggesting that you ignore the negative feelings/emotions that will come concerning your change during your time of change. Feelings of:

-- "Is it worth fighting/struggling against those that feel they know what's best for me?"

-- "I'm tired [physically and emotionally drained] of struggling against others. Maybe I should end this changing process and return to my life of 'normalcy'."

-- "Am I crazy for wanting to change?"

I've found that the responses towards these feelings are yes, no, and no.

Yes, it is worth the struggle to go against what others think is best for you, because most of their desires for your life are based on their perceptions of you. Also, some of their desires are based on how they would handle things in your situation. Therein lies the problem: that person is not you and you are not that person. On a continual basis, you cannot have their thoughts or reactions because you do not live in their body--and they do not live in yours. Besides, it is hard trying to live your life based on others' expectations for you if those expecatations run counter to or run beneath the expectations you have for yourself.

No, you should not go back to your life of "normalcy". Granted, interacting with those around you was easier, so was getting things done day to day, but were you satisfied as an individual? There is more satisfaction in changing into the person you've wanted to be compared to being the person who was living just to get along or living just to get by.

No, you are not crazy for wanting to change. Jeremiah 29:11 in the Good News Bible translation states

"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for."

God has a plan for each of our lives, whether we believe in Him or not. In other words, if you are not living the life you're meant to live, there will be a nagging desire, suspicion, or restlessness in you that there is something else in your life you should be doing. Therefore, no, you are not crazy for wanting to change.

Change isn't for the weak. Yet, the fact that you're on your path to change (or that you are taking the initial steps to change) proves that you are stronger than you think.

See Yourself With Respect

This is an article by Darren Roberts titled "Treating Yourself With Respect":

TREATING YOURSELF WITH RESPECT

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Gen 1:27 KJV)

Speak Positively, Part 2

Click here to read Speak Positively, Part 1

(Note: In this entry, I go back and forth between you and I. It's to show that we're all in this together.)

Why should we speak positively? Because positive words create positive actions. Consider when someone asks you to do something or vice versa. Which are you quicker to respond to: harsh words, demands, and criticism or requests made pleasantly? Most people respond more quickly to the latter.

Now, take that rationale and apply it to yourself. Are you more likely to carry out a desire, goal, or plan when you tell yourself that you can do it or when you tell yourself that you're a failure, a screw up, you can never get anything right, or whatever other negative thoughts come to mind? It may sound Pollyannish, but positive words generate positive reactions.

When I go around saying, "I can't do that because...", "I'm not capable of that because...", or whatever else comes to mind, it is highly unlikely that I will try to do whatever's before me. What causes me to say I can't do it? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success?

The fear of failure is reasonable. There aren't that many people that want to fail. Yet, failure is okay. (For more on this, read the entry "Failure Is An Option".) What about the fear of success? Do I simply not want the responsibility, do I think the success will change me as a person, will I be able to handle the responsibilities that come my way...Well, you won't know until you try.

Instead of saying, "I can't, " or, "I'm not able," speak positively. If you can't find positive examples from your life to draw from, tell yourself, "I may not be the best at what I'm going to do, but I'm going to do what I can and see where it takes me." Then you will learn that your negative thoughts were wrong, because whether you fail or succeed,

you did the very thing you told yourself you could not do.


"...for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh." (Luke 6:45 KJV)

Speak Positively, Part 1

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; [and] with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death and life [are] in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. (Proverbs 18:20-21 KJV)

Same verses with the Good News Bible translation:

You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say.
What you say can preserve life or destroy it; so you must accept the consequences of your words.

Why Change Isn't Easy

Joyce Meyer, a world-renown practical Bible teacher and New York Times bestselling author, presented a podcast yesterday titled "Living With Passionate Purpose". While the whole podcast is good, she gives a great example about change starting at 11:37 and ending at 14:17. You can view the podcast by clicking below

Living With Passionate Purpose

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8 KJV)

It Takes Time

Change takes time. Period. It would be nice if change would occur as quickly as other things we are accustomed to, such as fast food meals, microwaveable dinners, etc. Yet change is a process, and processes take time. The growth of a tree, the metamorphosis of a caterpillar to a butterfly…it all takes time.

Be patient during your time of change. Be patient with yourself, with others, and with the process itself. Be patient with yourself because your change – in personality or characteristics – may not occur as quickly as you would want. Be patient with others because they may not understand the person you are transforming into. It will take them time to get adjusted to the person you are becoming. Finally, simply be patient with the process.

It is the process that will require the most patience. There will be times when you will feel as if you and/or your circumstances are changing drastically. Then there will be a period of time in which absolutely nothing seems to be happening. This is when you need to be the most patient. Just because nothing is occurring to the natural eye doesn’t mean that changes are not taking place. Relate this period in your life to the season of winter. During winter, nature appears dormant, even dead, but something must be happening in order for life to occur in the spring. It’s a time for rest, building up muscles and nutrients, and revitalizing the soul for the growth that is yet to come.

Change takes time. Be patient with yourself, others, but most of all the process so that you will get a chance to experience the development that can occur in yourself and your life.

Check out these articles on change taking time and having patience:

Do You Need A Change?
Waiting For Patience

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. (Psa 42:5 KJV)