What Do I Do In the Dark?

What do you do in the darkness of change? What am I referring to with "darkness"? The time when you feel as if you've hit rock bottom. You gathered the courage to take a step towards change, and now absolutely nothing is happening. Your relationships are deteriorating, your finances are dwindling or non-existent, none of the goals you were aiming for are panning out, and the list goes on. This is darkness.

What do you do in the darkness? In my case, as a Christian, I'm supposed to look to God and trust Him, joy in Him, rest in Him. While this Christian-ese may be easy for the mind, it's not easy for the heart. God is all of these things, but when I only feel darkness around me...And what about the person who doesn't believe in Christ? What does he or she have to hold on to?

Yet, there is a reason to hope. At rock bottom, you have a chance to build a new foundation. Think of yourself as a building. Before your time of change, your walls were constructed and the furniture was in place. However, your foundation was cracked, and it was beginning to show in the walls. Part, if not all, of your foundation was created from the expectations of others for your life or with your attempts to please others. It wasn't built upon the dreams, desires, or goals that you had for your life.

Now, at rock bottom, you have a chance to rebuild this foundation. Who have you imagined yourself to be but could or would not allow yourself to become? This is the time to become that person. Rebuild the foundation and walls of your building with that person in mind, and enjoy the work as you watch yourself grow.

While you're working, realize that this darkness is also a time of rest. It's a rest from the voices that were demanding from you anything that kept you from reaching your goals. (Those voices could have been from others or from you.) Also, it's a period of rest to prepare you for what will happen once you become the person you've envisioned yourself to be. Picture the work that will lie ahead as you get closer to that desired dream!

So, what do we do in the dark? We can take strength in knowing that we have a chance to rebuild ourselves. What's more, let's enjoy this time of rest so we can get ready for the good things we are working towards.

Hoping for your encouragement,
Clarissa


Whenever a piece of pottery turned out imperfect, he would take the clay and make it into something else. (Jer. 18:4 GNB)

The Transformation Within

The following was taken from the blog Politicoholic by Nisha Chittal:

Forget careers. Blogging changes lives

Daring to commit your opinions and your intellectual thoughts down in words, permanently etched into pixels in cyberspace, is unnerving. It takes balls that most people don’t have, and that is why the vast majority of users of the Web are what we so affectionately refer to as lurkers. They’re afraid to voice their opinion and let anyone who Googles them find them; afraid that someone will disagree and criticize them.

I was one of those, and I was hiding. And for a long time that was a theme in my life: hiding. I have about 4 drafts of blog posts I have written over the years, saved in my archives, about how I hide different parts of my life from everyone. But, in my typical fashion, I never posted one of them. Because it takes courage to even blog in the first place. It makes you an outlier, it makes you different, and that opens you up to a whole new level of scrutiny.

Blogging is at once intensely personal, yet unnervingly public. And it connects people in the most individual, human, personal way. Of my college-age friends, I have very few who have blogs. And when one of them first started her blog, she proceeded to get mocked and made fun of behind her back, constantly. Her blog is a joke to the rest of them, constantly bantered about; every new post is gossip fodder, eagerly devoured. Spending so much time around people like that had left me paralyzed, afraid to just be who I am; and prancing around in that living charade was exceptionally tiring. Why did I care about these people again? It was illogical and irrational.

The difference between me pre-blog and me post-blog is simple: I went from [being]...invisible...to a real person, and an outlier. Seems simple, but that transformation is empowering in a way you’d never expect. I went from letting others define me to defining myself. Instead of always having to hide what I do from people, I can just…be. I have something to say that is worth saying, and I actively contribute to the conversation.

It’s no longer a simple matter of writing a blog and hoping someone reads: it overflows into every other area of my life. Now, I want to have more conversations and put out my opinion on everything. I want to seek out new people and new perspectives and constantly learn from everyone around me. I want to explore new ideas, challenge them, and be challenged. I want to do something worth doing, instead of just what everyone else is doing. And sadly, though perhaps not surprisingly, most people aren’t willing to do that. But blogger are.

The mockers matter less and less, because, really, I’d rather drop them from my life now. When one of my favorite writers, who is far, far more successful than me, emailed me out of the blue and told me she loved a piece I wrote, the game changed a little. When my work started to get noticed by some others, the game changed a little. I no longer care to be just one of millions of college kids that are exactly the same. Who wants to blend in?

I realized I am different from them, but instead of continuing to try to hide it I started to reluctantly embrace it. I constantly strive to be an outlier, to be above and beyond, to put myself out there and be someone who challenges the status quo — and not someone who maintains it. I no longer want to be part of the norm. As one blogger said, that’s fifth place, when I know I want first. But if your presence is never known, how will you make an impact? How will you leave your mark? The simple act of voicing your opinion and expressing yourself means you are challenging the status quo, however insignificant you feel...

Now, I’m no longer letting things happen to me. I don’t let others tell me what to do. I don’t believe in destiny; I just go out and make things happen. And I tend to brazenly defy everyone who doesn’t believe me. I realized that the way I defined myself and my life had to change. And in doing so, I won the inner battle that has been raging inside of me for twenty years. I killed the inner critic, the voice that stops so many people from doing great things. I stopped living for what other people think, and started living solely to create an impact and a difference...

So when I sat down to write a post about how blogging has changed my life, many things came to mind. I wanted to write something as flawless as Andrew Sullivan’s brilliant essay, “Why I Blog.” But I am not Andrew Sullivan, so I can’t. Instead I thought of all the things I had learned, the advice I had gained, the opportunities I’ve received, the people I had interviewed and the late night discussions I’ve had when I could have been studying. And those have all been amazing things. But to this day, nothing compares to the surprising rush of empowerment that comes in that moment when you hold your breath and hit the ‘Publish’ button.

To read Nisha Chittal’s complete entry, click here. (Warning: there is profanity at the end of the blog.)

To piggyback off of what Nisha said, changing is scary. It is much easier to blend in with the crowd and not voice your views or opinions. Your views can be seen as too radical, fantasy-filled, so different than those around you, and the list goes on. What have people been telling you, or worse, what have you been telling yourself? Have you said, “Yes, my dreams are possible,” or have you unconsciously become a part of the negativity surrounding you? Are you allowing past mistakes to hold you back? What about uncertainty of the future--those continual “what if’s”?

Am I suggesting that you start a blog? Only if you want to, but what I’m really suggesting is that you start taking steps to whatever you’ve been hiding from—-be it from your family, friends, the world in general, or yourself. That dream that seems too impossible or that goal that seems improbable, find a way to start working towards it. You would be surprised the transformation that will take place within you.


If you love purity of heart and graciousness of speech, the king will be your friend. (Proverbs 22:11 GNB)

Goals Are More Important Than You May Think

The following is from the book 48 Days to the Work You Love by Dan Miller. (To find out more about Dan Miller and his 48 Days products, click here:

“Goals”

   Any stage in life can be an exciting time with many opportunities or a dreary time of confusion and entrapment. You may not be able to change your circumstances, buy you can decide that the circumstances won’t dominate you. You do have choices...

   So spend some time determining specific, worthwhile expectations that will make your life more meaningful. If you don’t have a written plan for your life, it may feel like you’re driving a car without having your hands on the wheel.

   On May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister ran the first under-4-minute mile in recorded history. Doctors said it could not be done—that the human heart would explode with such exertion. Six weeks later an Australian runner duplicated that feat. Approximately 1 year later, 8 college runners at 1 track meet all broke the 4-minute mile. What changed? Did humans suddenly evolve to be faster than ever before in history? Not likely. What did happen is that the level of expectation changed. What was believed to be impossible was proven to be possible. Most of us operate under clear beliefs about what we are able to accomplish. If those beliefs are changed, the results change as well…

   Are you a goal setter? Do you typically set goals at the first of the year? If not, why not? Goals give you a starting point and a destination. It is the easiest way to give meaningful direction to your life, which releases you to effectively use your talents.

   Identify 5-year goals then work backward to what you need to do today to make deposits in where you want to be 5 years from now. Be specific, creating quantifiable benchmarks to track your deposits of success. Saying you want to be a better mommy, have a better job, or learn a new language is admirable, but without listing steps of measurable, specific goals, you will not move toward any specific action. Then another year will pass without any real change.

I, Clarissa, can personally attest to this. For years I would write such goals as “grow spiritually”, “learn a new language”, “read two books a month”, and so on. Yet, it wasn’t until recently that I began to write down how I planned to achieve these goals. It was then that I started taking genuine steps to attain them.

For example, instead of saying my goal was to “grow spiritually”, my goal now says “pray for at least 30 minutes a day as well as read and study God’s Word for 30 minutes a day”. Instead of the goal “read two books a month”, now my goal says “read at least 1 chapter from a book per day”.

I don’t understand why, but physically writing down your goals seems to do something to the psyche. Maybe seeing them on paper makes them more of a reality than just contemplating on them? The Bible says, “And the LORD answered me, and said, Write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that readeth it (Habakkuk 2:2 KJV).” I decided to make my vision plain by taking a few pictures and pasting them to a piece of paper followed by a scripture from the Bible. It was a simple act, but as big and wild as my vision may be, what I once thought was unattainable now feels quite the opposite.

What are your goals? What is your vision? Will you make it plain, and if so, how?


Write down clearly on tablets what I reveal to you, so that it can be read at a glance (Habakkuk 2:2 GNB).

Do You Like Yourself?

I’m currently reading Start Where You are by Charles R. Swindoll. He says the following on pages 68-69:

“Allow me this direct question: Do you know yourself? And one more: Do you like yourself? These basic stones must be in place, or no superstructure of meaningful accomplishment can be erected.

If you have hopes of raising your gaze toward leadership, let me urge you to start here. It may take great effort to gain a secure sense of self-esteem. It may involve pain. But in the long haul, you will be grateful you paid the price. Not until you enjoy peace with yourself, not until you know and like the things that make you what you are…”

Not until the above will you be able to withstand returning to the person you once were. You will not be able to avoid wanting to please others or succumbing to what others consider what is best for your life. Nor will you be able to stand against those who oppose what you are attempting to do or who you are attempting to become. And forget about conquering any obstacles that come your way to stop you.

Basically, you will not be strong enough to overcome any person or thing that attempts to hinder your progress in this time of change. Remember, change is not easy. Not only is it not easy for you, but it isn’t easy for those around you as well. The person that they’ve come to know is slowly disappearing before their eyes. If that person isn’t disappearing, the circumstances you’re placing yourself in are not logical or reasonable, and in their eyes your actions are causing you more harm than good. Out of concern for your safety, they suggest, cajole, rebuke, criticize, question, etc., until you return to what they consider as some form of normalcy.

The irony is that they are going against what both they and you wish for your life: your striving to become a better you.


So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27 KJV)

You've Been Blessed With A Gift

The following was said by the character Mack Taylor on the TV series CSI:NY

"You have been blessed with a gift...You can choose to live in a place of fear or you can believe in the best version of yourself."

Ok. In the context of the show, this quote wasn't referring to life changes, but I thought it was so appropriate. Life changes are difficult. I think I read somewhere that it's like riding a roller coaster, and I agree. There will be ups and downs, twists and turns, and some surprises around the bend. You can choose to be the person that glances and looks at the roller coaster but will never take a ride (i.e. living in a place of fear) or you can choose to be the person that decides to get on (i.e. believing in the best version of yourself).

Let's ride the roller coaster so that when the ride is over, we'll be able to say, "That was well worth it."


For I know what I have planned for you,' says the LORD. 'I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope. (Jer. 29:11 Net Bible)

Sadness is a Part of Change

Not the most joyous of topics (no pun intended), but sadness is a part of change. More or less, change means that you are experiencing a loss. There are some things we have lost and were indifferent about, while others caused pain or grieve. When sadness happens, don’t become concerned or wonder what is wrong with you. The change you’re experiencing causes grief because you’re leaving behind what is familiar, what makes you comfortable, and to a degree, what makes you who you are. However, the question to ask yourself is, “Are you really the person that you want to be or are you the person that you pretend to be in order for others to like you/to blend in/etc?” Loss (whether of a job, a friend(s), your health) can feel like a terrible thing, so go ahead and cry. Let your emotions out, but try not to let them out on others. Just don’t get stuck in your sadness, for it can turn into hopelessness. Without hope, you can forget about living life. You’ll continue to walk through life day by day performing the same routines, but living life will be a different story. Accept the sadness, deal with it, learn from it, and then continue on becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be.

Here are two articles on sadness and change:

Dealing with Change – 6 Steps

Sadness and How to Overcome It


And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord. (Luke 1:45 KJV)

How Are You In Setting Goals?

Do you have trouble when it comes to setting goals? Maybe this link on the Mind Tools website can push you in the right direction...

Personal Goal Setting


Do all this in prayer, asking for God's help. Pray on every occasion, as the Spirit leads. For this reason keep alert and never give up; pray always for all God's people. (Eph. 6:18 KJV)